respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
