There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You've changed since you got that strap on
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
