eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
