dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just had sex on a roof
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize