a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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