If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
