Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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