Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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