Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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