I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
