your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
