im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
