I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You were trust falling into bushes
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
