i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
