Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
