So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
