Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
your room smells of hookers.
And success
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Someone shattered a urinal.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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