I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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