just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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