I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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