So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
