He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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