i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think your dad took our porno
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
