'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
