He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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