Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
