I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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