Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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