and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
