seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
