Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
