It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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