He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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