I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We talked him into tasing himself.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
