No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
