Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
