I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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