I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i was born a porn star she said
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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