just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
