Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
