FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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