I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
