I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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