Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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