I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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