I faked an abortion last night.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
