I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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