Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
