Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
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