Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
