my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
