I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
