She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
