Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
