dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
