In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize