So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
