what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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