dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
