Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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