We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
