Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
