Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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