Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
