i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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