How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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