At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
