he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
