i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
