You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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