WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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