Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
