Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
