So drunk its hurt
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
