he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
