Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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