They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
