Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
