I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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